“If Armstrong was a Frenchman and we had seen the same data, we would do the same thing,” Claude Droussent of l’Equipe told French TV station LCI. I guess we can assume that means not a single of those urine samples from the 1999 Tour has been linked to a Frenchman. Certainly FdJ directeur sportif Marc Maidot thinks so. At least, I think he does. It’s kind of hard to tell. Here, you be the judge:

Well, no. Not literally. Or figuratively. But there was a bomb threat at the finish of Stage 4 that delayed the start. Then Petacchi won. He makes it look easy. And I guess if you’re the fastest guy in the world, and you have 8 other guys determined to cart you to 150m before the line with the greatest possible speed, it is probably pretty easy to win bike races. But maybe not. I guess I’ll never really know.

After being temporarily sucked into the same post-Giro vortex that claimed Mario Cipollini in 2003, Alessandro Petacchi has retrurned to our dimension to take the thrid stage of the Vuelta a Espana. The flat, stinking hot rumble through the Spanish interior went pretty much exactly to plan for the Fassa boys, as they reeled in a breakaway with 4k to, and launched Ale-Jet 150m from the line. Zabel, Boonen and Hushovd came in behind him in that order, but the victor was never in doubt.

Sensing that perhaps Armstrongate is loosing a bit of momentum (or maybe that people just don’t care), l’Equipe has refocused its journalistic ire at the UCI, saying:

Who says cycling is boring? Well, I mean, not me, or probably any of you, but I think it’s an opinion held by most Americans. Certainly, though, yesterday’s ProTour racing action proved those Chevy-drivin’, war-hawkin’, couch potatoes wrong. First off was Stage 2 of the Vuelta a Espana, which was one of those “maybe so, maybe no” stages for the sprinters. A late Cat 2 climb (25k to go) looked like it would split the field, but with some of the strongest sqauds in memory at this year’s Vuelta, fresh legs in the fast men, and a decidedly downhill profile, a group sprint certainly wasn’t out of the question.

Now, before you get all cross with me for being anti-French, I’m not. I just think many of the things French authorities do (such as ban cyclists from using certain asthma drugs not because they improve performance, but because they look kind of like other chemcials that do…) and many of the things the French media does (see any news story from l’Equipe, Le Monde, Le Parisien Libere containing the words “Lance,” “Armstrong” and “dopage“) are a tad bit ridiculous. That having been said, I like France, and acknowlege that the folks over there are by means excessively dirty (and certainly not so compared to other Europeans).

Faster than Illes Balears could say “we should have offered him a contract extension,” Rabobank’s Denis (apparently pronounced “Denny”, due to the missing “n”) rolled to victory on a tricky, 7km prologue. Just a second back was BeNeLux prologue winner Rik (I believe still prounounced “Rick,” even with the missing consonant) Verbrugghe, who was no doubt hampered by this Lemond-era TT helmet. Let that be a lesson to you all to tip your eqiupment managers. (And if that’s not motivation enough, this should really loosen your purse strings).

Roberto Heras. Alex Zulle. Laurent Jalabert. Tony Rominger. Sean Kelly. Freddy Maertens. Raymond Poulidor. Perhaps the greastest riders in cycling history to attempt, but never acheieve, victory in the Tour de France. What else do they all have in common? Victory in the Vuelta a Espana.

The youngest of the grand tours, la Vuelta has bounced around the calendar, from April to May to June, before finally settling in September in 1990. In it’s early days, it was an on-again, off-again competition, existing only when organizers could pull themselves away from civil and world wars long enough to get the funding together. It is, without question, a dreamer’s race, and it’s most definately fitting then, that this year’s edition commemorates the 400th anneversary of Don Quixote, the ultimate daydreamer.

So I’ve been running through the info at SiteMeter and more and more hits on this page are coming from search engines. That’s good, because it means a)I can put “Search Engine Optimization Skills” on my resume and b)random folks looking for a cycling blog could concievably find Cyclocosm.

However, lots of the search strings that land people here aren’t specifically satiated by the information on this page. In an effort to increase return viewership, I will now attempt to address some of the recent searches I have recieved:

No more stonewalling and say-nothing press releases from Lance Armstrong. No, he hasn’t admitted to doping (and, to save you the suspense, he never will, guilty or not), but he is going on Larry King tonight to protest his innocence to the country. In doing so, Armstrong becomes the latest person to apologize for not being guilty on that news program, following in the footsteps of such upstanding characters as Saudi Arabia’s Prince Bandar (post 9-11), Tanya Harding (post-Nancy Kerrigan) and Monica Lewinski (post-well, y’know…). Anyway, since it has to keep up with l’Equipe, Le Monde released a report today about a mystery man who visited Team Discovery with a “blue ice box” (apparently, we’re meant to conclude it was full of drugs) during this year’s TdF. After being tipped off by the Italians (yeah, there’s a reliable source), French police staked out Disco’s lodgings at Pau, but their cover was blown by a local TV news team.

*sigh* Why do I have to cover this tripe? Why must I reiterate this war of press releases between haughty Euros and stubborn Texans? Anyway, reaction to the Armstrong Affair falls into three distinct molds: the Boardman, who condemns Lance as clearly guilty while questioning the motivation behind the tests, the Verbruggen, who adopts a wait and see attitude, and the Lewis, who is convinced this is all garbage. I suppose you could toss in the Fignon, who simply doesn’t care. Already, internationally recognized labs (not in France) are questioning the science of L’Equipe’s investigation, while in Germany, a question of legality has arisen. My take: once again, this will come to nothing. Unlike the Mueseew post-mortem of last year, not enough solid evidence exists (unless some “C” samples turn up), and even with Dick Pound running WADA, the Texan will not be sanctioned.