Alright, kiddies; today’s post is going to be something of a cycling news bouillabaisee, so read slowly and hold on to your butts. First item of importance: Cyclocosm is declaring a unilateral moratorium on reporting that Ivan Basso is not doing the Giro. I think the world freakin’ gets it, already. You know, it was news when I made fun of Eurosport for being like “Basso might not race,” after Bjarne Riis had said “Basso won’t race,” it was funny when Velochimp made fun of everyone for being like “hey, you hear the news that Basso won’t rac the Giro?”, but this (scroll down) is getting (scroll down) ridiculous (scroll down). Everyone who cares, already knows. Don’t the big cycling news organizations mine the blogosphere for stories and fresh opinions? Honestly, if this page were The Drudge Report and cyclingnews were CBS, someone would have been fired by now.

Magnus Backstedt’s derny-paced hour record attempt fell well short (scroll down), yesterday, as the big Sweede was behind Matthe Pronk’s 66kph pace from the first time split. I know I had promised not to report on this earlier in the week, because gimmick hour records are stupid, but because Maggie sacked up and finished the hour for the crowd, despite being out of contention for the record and in visible difficulty, I’ll give it some press. Many suggest that Backstedt’s choice of a colossal 60×12 gear (a step up from the merely enormous 60×13 he had been training on) may have cost him the record. For comparison, you’d have to kit out your regular road rig with one of these to get that heavy a gear.

I’m so sick of it. What was it, two hours of sitting a Paris auditorium, watcing a video, a slide show, and listening to a few speakers? And Velonews is picking it apart like a raven on a moose carcass. Yeah, there’s more stories; so many I’ve lost count. There’s this, which I guess means the UCI will longer recognize the Tour de France per se, just refer to it as the “French Grand Tour Entity.” I bet the guys over at ASO are laughing their tails off, saying “Whoa, who brought the hard guy?” in real sarcastic French to each other every time someone mentions this UCI/TdF feud. Like anyone will care about the ProTour if the Tour de France isn’t in it. I’d appreciate the UCI attempts to play hardball and “stick it to The Man,” except that a) the UCI has no leverage at all in this situation and b) the UCI is the man.

What is your deal, Dick Pound? The very first time I heard your name, I was like “what sort of douchebag named ‘Richard Pound’ would go by ‘Dick?’” Little did I know, I was soon to find out. Pretty much from your first day as WADA chair, you went on steaming tirades about how cycling was full of dopers. You weren’t long on evidence, but for someone with an advanced degree in Law, you didn’t seem particularly concerned about it.

You want to know why everyone likes Cyclingnews so much? No, it’s not the fact that their staff is pretty good at writing, or that their webpage is simple and straight forward, or even that they’re constantly making sweet references references to everything from “South Park” (search “profit”) to The Italian Job. No, it’s their brevity and concision. They had two short flashes (one reporting, one analysis), then one feature on reactions (by the way, Johan B is a funny, funny man) from yesterday’s TdF route presentation. God, it’s like they planned it or something instead of just vomiting up articles (here’s another one, by the way) as they came in. Heck, even Pez, sometimes way too eager to prove they really do have people in Europe at events (try searching their page for “Lombardia”) has kept it to one tight report (and one decidedly underdressed Thomas Voeckler) so far.

Yup, that’s the only news around. Eurosport has three stories about it (including what appears to be an Eminem reference. Velonews adds four more features, including one addressing the issue of doping, yet without mentioning Dick Pound’s formless, meandering diatribe in yesterday’s Guardian. Way to cover relevant news stories. It’s like all of American cycling coverage slides off the face of the earth when the words “Tour” and “de” arn’t followed immediately by “France.” And speaking of my boy DP, don’t think I forgot about my threats from yesterday. I lit pound up but good in a Rant that’ll be posted tomorrow, when the page stops looking like crap. That way, when people link to it, it’ll look respectable and whatnot.

Ah, you gotta love wild media speculation. You may recall that yesterday, I threw caution to the wind and published some dude’s wild tour route speculations. Well, looks like I’ve started a trend. Yup, and if they’re not guessing at the route, they’re guessing and who’s gonna ride it. Eurosport thinks Ivan Basso might skip the Giro to focus on the Tour, while everyone else is pretty much certain. Since OLN recently purchased rights to the Giro, San Remo and Lombardy, American viewers might actually get to see the Giro to find out. And while were on the subject of Italian cycling and linking madly to Velochimp, fast man Alessandro Petacchi seems to have thrown his hat in the Flanders ring for ’06. Some of you may recall that Paolo Bettini has also expressed interest in Flanders next spring, though his announcement was less of a suprise, since he’s won a few classics that don’t end in group sprints.

No, that’s not a typo. I, cheapskate of all cheapskates, did in fact buy a high-end ($45 retail for a pair of short-finger gloves) cycling product. I just wanted to see if all this talk that spending big for a high-end product would really save you money in the long run. That, and I needed a new pair of gloves after my Cipo’ specials disintegrated in my most embarassing crash this summer.

Today I’m gonna switch it up and start with the month-old Interbike news, even if it is a little moldy (get it? Carbon fiber frames are made in molds? Hello? *tap-tap* Is ths thing on?). Anyway, the big news this week is gonna be the announcement of the 2006 TdF route. If you’re in Paris on Thursday, don’t think you can just drop by in your Levi’s and Chuck Taylors; it’s a fashonable, invite-only affair. I tried to scam a ticket from Velogal, but she was unresponsive. No matter; though all we know officially is the prologue route, thanks to the magic of Usenet and people who have less of a life than I do, here’s a speculatory route for the 2006 TdF.

Well, not really the whole weekend, just Sunday. I skipped Saturday because I was trying to sleep off an injury from Friday night that left me digging a quarter-inch chuck of glass out of my left foot. At 2am Sunday (there was a “The Shield” marathon on), it was hurting like no other, so I cut it back open, peroxided the crap out of it and packed it solid with Neosporin before bed. At 7am, it still hurt too much to really put weight on. But whatever man, just wear like 4 thick socks, and it’s good to go. Rendezvous with Jon Shea at 8 and we’re off to Williston VT on scenic I-89.