I know, I know - it’s not nice to wish death upon people. But I’m not doing that. Everyone, Dick Pound included, is going to die someday. I’m simply compiling a list of the Top Ten ways in which I’d like to see him pass on.

It was extremely hard to limit this to ten items, by the way, so feel free to add any you think should have made the cut in the “comments” section.

Top 10 Ways I’d Like to See Dick Pound Die

10) Starving to death following bankruptcy after being forced to pay accused dopers’ legal fees.

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Just when you thought the Idiot Train had discharged all passengers - TOOT! TOOT! - guess who steps onto the platform? Why, it’s Jesper Worre, organizer of largely irrelevant Tour of Denmark, who has declared that Ivan Basso is not welcome at his race. Worre justified his decision with this cryptic remark:

“The fact alone that DS Bruyneel says they have four lawyers looking at things shows that he is in doubt. And if you are in doubt, let it be”.

Next time, he might want to consider hiring Lindsay Lohan to tidy that press statement up for him.

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I feel this strange drop in temperature all of a sudden. Some might say “oh, Cosmo, you haven’t posted in so long; you must not realize that it’s December.” These people are clearly idiots and have never heard of global warming. The refreshing chill that I’m talking about is due not to cooler prevailing winds but cooler heads prevailing.

First off, we have Phil Liggett condemning the recent UCI megalomania in the soft-but-firm style that is so unquestionably his. Would have been nicer if he’d taken a similar approach to the AIGCP back in July, but at this point, I’ll take what I can get. Maybe he’ll back it up by putting his name on this petition, supporting Jan Ullrich’s return to the peloton.

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I was going to post this essay here, but I’d rather have someone read it. Besides, none of it is really “news” per se.

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