“There he goes. One of God’s own prototypes. Some kind of high powered mutant never even considered for mass production. Too weird to live, and too rare to die.”

See also Frank Vandenbroucke – A Life in Words.

Look, I appreciate the efforts of TD Bank in sponsoring the Boston Mayor’s Cup. While I’ve got some beef with the organizers over field selection (Women’s 3? No problem. Two kids race fields? No problem. Men’s 3? GFY), putting up wads of dough for bike racing can be a shaky proposition.

(via Andrew Bernstein).

But maybe next time try actually asking a cyclist what sorts of encouragement spectators generally give before making the crowd signs. “Keep on pedaling!” and “Go riders!” sounds like the sort of thing I—being utterly ignorant of the gameplay—would shout at a cricket match. Cycling already has one Al Trautwig—it doesn’t need 10,000 more.

That’s the theme today. The initial inspiration would have to be this award—I’d make a joke about BikeBiz being so technically backward they’re still browsing with Kermit and thus blind to the site’s design—but even then, the award makes no sense.

Then there’s this, which I found in muddylegs‘ twitter:

(explanation here)

And finally, some clown wrote into Joe Parkin asking why Columbia HTC is “helpless” in the classics. I’m just gonna overlook the fact that the very question is baseless, and call this an unfortunate side effect of well-meaning pros who use the word “cycling” to refer only to flat Grand Tour stages, and mislead fans that every race is nothing but a marionette fight between team directors. Kudos for Joe to giving a good answer.

With all the vigor of an ankle-biting yip-dog, the AFLD has refused to release its death grip on the boot of the UCI. After two (or possibly three) doping positives announced in cycling in the last week, the French anti-doping agency has now moved the focus of its anti-UCI tirade to “incongruous” substances found at this year’s Tour de France.

To wit: blood pressure drugs Telmisartan and Quinapril, diabetes drug Sitagliptin—which could, in theory, protect muscle glycogen stores from breakdown—and the anti-convulsive Valpromide. Of course, the AFLD neglected to mention the name of the teams or riders involved, what hotels they were staying at, how frequently these substances were found, etc., because that might lead to some sort of coherent investigation, instead of just muddying the waters.

Good news, this morning: despite tweets of ill portent, the AFLD announced no new doping positives from their retesting of a select group of riders at the 2008 Tour de France. Of course, the Frenchman just couldn’t let a press opportunity go without dinging the UCI, blaming the lack of positives at this years Tour on the the governing body’s bungling, rather than crediting to a cleaner—or more careful—peloton.

An aging champion struggles to regain his form. A brash rookie refuses to conform to the ways of the peloton. Together, they can overcome the forces arrayed against them—but only if they first conquer the demons within. The Bodyguard is the timeless tale of a bond forged between two men in the quest for victory in professional cycling.

[right-click for iTunes-compatible download]

My homage to The Empire Brokeback, made entirely of footage from Cervelo’s excellent Beyond The Peloton documentary series. The not-exactly-memorable trailer to The Bodyguard (1992) is here for comparison.

Rule #14 of the Internet—according to one respected count—is to never argue with the trolls. Cycling, being a sport consumed and appreciated largely via the Internet, should be no exception.

So I’m not going to talk about Bernard Kohl, or his recent whining in the press. If he wanted not to manage his weight, he should have taken up soccer. And frankly, a quarter litre of vodka just isn’t that much—I’m not volunteering to consume it, but I wouldn’t say it’s anything out of place for an initiation ritual—especially if a Kazakh named “Vino” is doing the initiating.

I’m not a big cyclocross guy, but there was apparently a touch of wheels that caused some excitement heading into the sand on Day 2 of Gloucester this year. Colt McElwaine was in the right place at the right time and got the original, better quality video—I just added slow-mo.
NOTE: contains pottymouth.

From Velonews:

“There’s almost a foot-deep trough in the sand,” Johnson said. “I got in there first and I didn’t see what happened to (Page).”

Page had a different take. “Johnson took my front wheel out,” he told VeloNews before the podium ceremony.

I’ll readily, even proudly, admit to being critical of cycling’s efforts against doping. I think the “Dopers Suck” campaign is counterproductive and simpleminded. I found Dick Pound’s sweeping proclamations about dopers and who was doping—regardless of evidence or due process—utterly inappropriate. And for better—Alessandro Petacchi—and for worse—Ivan Basso—I’ve stood up for riders who I thought were maligned by a system stacked massively against the athletes

(photo by Paul Schreiber)

You know it’s a slow news week when word that Thomas Dekker’s urine B sample—originally tested in 2007, and initially found to have EPO three months ago—finally comes back positive, makes front pages.

You know it’s a slow news week at the end of the season because the Internet is blogging and re-tweeting the story like it’s going out of style. You’ve gotta forgive the big publications for pushing the story—it’s their job, after all. But we, dear reader, should have better things to do.