Ah, Cyclocross—scruffy, fun-loving younger brother of road cycling. None of the endless training and expense, all of the fun, dirt, and beer handups, right? Surely this is the most populist of all sports, is it not?

No, actually—not even close. Not since a third-generation Yalie picked up a Texas accent and ran for President as a Washington Outsider has a brand been so obviously out of sync with its own reality. Cyclocross, while thrilling and fantastically enjoyable, is also the most expensive cycling discipline for those with an actual desire to be competitive, and the least friendly to the common racer stepping up to give it a shot.

I don’t know about you, but I’m tired of Norwegians telling me what to think.

Take Thor Hushovd getting his knickers in a twist because of the local support Alberto Contador has received since his positive dope test. Just because most of his fans are too busy being employed to flood into the streets is no reason for the reigning world champion to be bitter.

And then there’s the head of the Norwegian cycling federation saying that his counterparts in Spain won’t give Contador proper scrutiny. First, other nations haven’t exactly been stringent, and second, hasn’t dumping the blame for the world’s cycling problems on Spain gone out of style yet? McQuaid’s been on that gripe for almost four years now.

UPDATE: Also available: Jens! coffee mug and Jens! beer stein.

I was looking at the Amstel Gold start list this morning and noticed that dossard #178 would be worn be a certain indefatigable German on the SaxoBank roster. It reminded me of a few reader requests that came in shortly after I added the “Stop Lance” shirt to the Cyclocosm shop.

However, the idea presented a few design problems. The whole “Stop Pre” thing doesn’t really work on Jens. Sure, he’s got a bit of the cockiness and knee-jerk reactivity that made Pre such a polarizing figure, but under normal circumstances Jens just seems way too goofy and enthusiastic to evoke an antagonistic response

While I’ve made occasional reference to the concept of “pro”-ness on this blog, that fact is that it’s never been something of special concern to me.

I have neither the income to assemble my own housing-level pro build, nor the free time to aggregate links directing my readers to the same. But recent events have got me wondering if being too pro can be detrimental, if not to one’s riding, then certainly to one’s image.

Back before the Internet, bike nerds must have had to crowd around well-thumbed copies of under-the-radar bike ‘zines at the LBS, squinting fitfully at blurry, black-and-white photos pirated out of Gazzetta dello Sport before coming up with clever things to say about how freakin’ ugly the new season’s kits were.

Can you imagine? Do you think fine details like the fake rivets and pockets on the notorious Carrera kits were even visible? Could they even tell that the Castorama kit was supposed to be a grocer’s Home Depot-style apron, and not hip waders or overalls? I shudder to even consider it.

Right off the bat, the title should give you a hint that you might want to take this one with a grain of salt. Or several.

That said, despite regularly producing some of the most original, creative, highest quality work in the cycling world for the past four years, there’s a fair amount of respect I’m not getting. I don’t think there’s anyone out there doing what I do or even coming close to it—certainly not the people collecting redirects from the parties targeted above.

Dude, are you serious?

Pop artists and savvy, successful designers from Shepard Fairey to Marc Newson to pretty much everyone short of friggin’ Banksy have styled custom bikes for you and this—this—is the kit you get to ride in every day? I cannot imagine a more artless and uninspired piece of lycra.

It’s like someone took an overworked, underpaid corporate designer and told them to re-imagine a cubicle as a bicycle kit, employing three necessary elements:

1. RadioShack Logo (w/ company name in Frutiger Black)
2. Livestrong Armband
3. RadioShack approved red (#C70E0E)

A sleeveless jersey made an appearance in @CadelOfficial’s twitpic on the ’09 Vuelta rest day:

There’s so much that caught me off-balance in this photo. Guess I should start off by saying that this is the most team support I’ve seen Evans get at Grand Tour since he started riding for Lotto.

Secondly, it’s not even that sunny out—I can see a preening Euro pro wanting to even out the tan lines but given the flat light, I’d have to say this choice is purely for style, not function.

Also, is it just me, or do all Jon Vaughters’ shirts look the same?

(via Matthew Koschara’s Facebook feed)

I can’t recall whether we came to a consensus over whether Vino’ was the Hulk or The Thing. Frankly, he’s been laying low so far this Vuelta, so I’d like to focus more on another, definitely not half-hearted race animator: Philippe Gilbert.

(Gilbert source) (Goblin source)

I think this one is a no-brainer. Both Gilbert and the Green Goblin show a frenzied disdain for the pre-orchestrated decorum of the peloton/society, and both have their faces frozen into the same maniacal expression for a near-entirety of their screen time.