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The Week in Bike #60 – Monotone

Posted on 13 March 201513 March 2015 by cosmo

thoughts on “The Week in Bike #60 – Monotone”

  1. Pingback: The Week in Bike #60 – Monotone - Cycling Feeds
  2. colin says:
    13 March 2015 at 11:25 am

    This did not live up the “fun stuff” tag, bro.

    Reply
  3. RiccardoB says:
    13 March 2015 at 11:36 am

    Brilliant! Keep it up Cosmo, here’s hoping you gain a wider audience.

    Reply
    1. Steve says:
      13 March 2015 at 4:48 pm

      True. Never laughed so hard at a TWIB before. But look! Loads of serious stuff too! This transcends comment. It’s Art .

      Reply
  4. funny says:
    13 March 2015 at 12:21 pm

    Slap a funky bass line under that rant and sell it to Cake.

    Reply
  5. Nick says:
    13 March 2015 at 12:22 pm

    Agreed, kinda weird. 2 Big stage races going on in Europe and no breakdown. Tag under disapointed.

    Reply
    1. cosmo says:
      13 March 2015 at 12:24 pm

      Take it up with a rightsholder.

      Reply
  6. Jamsque says:
    13 March 2015 at 1:34 pm

    Seeing comments like Nick’s here and elsewhere is depressing. What if the reason cycling coverage is so god awful and the sport is such a mess is that most cycling fans are fucking morons?

    I love your work Cosmo, always have. You are our greatest living (anglophone) cycling pundit. Please make a Patreon so I can give you money.

    Reply
    1. Chris Stewart says:
      13 March 2015 at 8:23 pm

      That was depressing… Just like the CIRC report.

      How do YOU feel about the 90% doping number?

      Reply
      1. cosmo says:
        14 March 2015 at 1:27 pm

        It was a single data point, from (shockerrrrr) an anonymous source. I lean toward That Guy, but CIRC called the source “respected”, so…

        It also depends on the definition you use for doping. From my POV, the report really took issue with a culture of doping, so a lot of things that aren’t technical violations fall into that. Throw in TUEs, supplements, vitamins—basically taking anything to improve performance—and I can see 90% within the realm of reasonable hyperbole.

        But in terms of doping under the letter of the law, I have a hard time getting to even 20%. 18 teams with 27 riders = 486 people. 20% of that is still 97 riders. Considering the monetary figures coming out of the USADA reasoned decision, I don’t think there are 97 riders who could afford something like that.

        The supply side seems even more unlikely—getting in touch with Ferrari right now requires extreme discretion, intermediaries, executing a full program would mean a lot of days off racing and anti-doping countermeasures. Fuentes—considered a decent non-Ferrari option—comes across as an unreliable quack in The Secret Race. And I don’t think he ever had more than 20 or so riders on his program.

        That said, EPO is apparently pretty easy to get, and microdosing relatively simple with a low chance of detection. So I wouldn’t necessarily say the support of a competent medical team is necessary. Could a bunch of guys be doing that? Sure. But for a full, beat-the-world program, I think we’re talking maybe a dozen riders.

        Reply
    2. Bryant says:
      13 March 2015 at 11:48 pm

      +1 for Patreon, seriously, you should consider it or at least a donate button or something.

      Reply
  7. Erik says:
    13 March 2015 at 7:48 pm

    Snark so powerful it consumes itself like an Ouroboros. Most bestest TWIB ever. I think I need a drink. Thank you.

    Reply
  8. urchin says:
    13 March 2015 at 8:30 pm

    Damn fine stuff. Needs a Cliff’s Notes.

    Reply
  9. chris says:
    13 March 2015 at 11:55 pm

    That may have been one of the greatest videos I’ve ever seen. Even running into the other room to show my wife.

    Reply
  10. Evansky says:
    14 March 2015 at 3:36 am

    I think you need a new sponsor, Heinwipes they are needed to keep the peloton clean of omertà bull arse crap following the CIRC non response.

    Reply
  11. Evansky says:
    14 March 2015 at 3:42 am

    Cosmo, brand new idea! How about UCI forces all riders to dope, no seriously. The lower your hematocrit the more EPO you must use. To balance this out, those with lower hematocrits are required to weigh more not less. Thus folks like Armstrong, Contador, etc. must bulk up and people like Vaughters, Lemond, Froome, etc, with little to no EPO, can be thin as rails. Finally an equal playing field. Great idea right. Night time EPO testing will ensure that those forced to take EPO are truly taking it as they should.

    Reply
  12. Timojhen says:
    14 March 2015 at 5:14 am

    Nicely done. Content rights is one of the most baffling aspects of short sighted over-protective businesses. As they legislate themselves out of business, other product lines explore more and more open APIs and data sharing. Will all become obvious over time I guess…..

    Reply
  13. Jank says:
    14 March 2015 at 6:18 am

    i have seen the PowerPoint. Moved by the invisible hand.

    Reply
  14. John Seymour says:
    14 March 2015 at 6:24 am

    Cosmo – have followed for years and love your work, but have to admit I am worried about your personal well-being here. Are you doing OK? Can we help you out?

    Reply
  15. ben says:
    14 March 2015 at 7:29 am

    stay posi cosmo

    Reply
  16. Emma says:
    14 March 2015 at 9:17 am

    I second the Patreon. I’ve loved your work for ages years, and I’d like to give you money for it.

    Reply
  17. Herman says:
    14 March 2015 at 11:06 am

    Brilliant!

    Reply
  18. Jan-Erik says:
    14 March 2015 at 11:44 am

    this fits the guy in your logo: cycling is all about misery, so spot on.

    Reply
  19. Shane says:
    15 March 2015 at 1:01 pm

    Please don’t fire yourself. There’s so much intelligence and cynicism here. You’d make a great professor. The monotone voice also seems to work for professors. If you ever want to write a paper on the unethical business practices of Specialized and why the boycott against their products should be perpetual, look me up. Keep it coming! Brilliant stuff. (P.S. Do you know how many organizations and companies are proxies for S? Bike Hugger, Osmo….the list goes on.)

    Reply
  20. matt from dartmouth says:
    15 March 2015 at 3:29 pm

    +3 for patreon!

    Reply
  21. Jezzerythejester says:
    15 March 2015 at 4:11 pm

    Genius

    Reply
    1. thommyllama says:
      15 March 2015 at 9:54 pm

      You have many beautiful gas stations in Japan! Leverage it.

      Reply
  22. Pingback: This weeks links (2015-03-16) | Visible Procrastinations
  23. John I says:
    15 March 2015 at 10:39 pm

    Nice. Would work great as a third vocal track for the Velvet Undergrounds “Murder Mystery. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UoYgWbmyv3E

    Reply
  24. james says:
    18 March 2015 at 3:49 am

    Best. tWIB. Ever.

    Reply
  25. Pingback: This weeks links (2015-03-23) | Visible Procrastinations
  26. David says:
    26 March 2015 at 11:34 pm

    Best TWIB ever? Maybe. The perfect antidote/response to everything that is wrong with cycling right now. A fucking cleanse from the ridiculous ‘check out who we are friends with’ selfie self-indulgence that is manual for speed and the radavist.

    If I could get rid of all that crap and just have Cosmo I’d be over the fucking moon.

    Reply

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About the Author

a headshot of Cosmo Catalano

Best known for his How The Race Was Won® video series, Cosmo Catalano began blogging about pro cycling from a bike shop in 2005. Between then and now, he's designed cycling infographics, built cycling web apps, and supplied cycling content to print and broadcast media, all in the name of backing up his near-endless criticism with proof that it can be done better. He complains about cycling on Twitter at @Cyclocosm.

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