ILuvBratwurst: (this works best with an Arnold voice) Ha! I destroyed those puny little weaklings and won the stage. That will teach people to call me fat.
BassoNova77: Uh, yeah, Jan. Nice work. Keep it up.
ILuvBratwurst: I know, I know. I am incredible…wait a minute, are you being sarcastic?
ILuvBratwurst: Are you not scared of my powerful muscles, puny Ivan? I destroyed you today. Just wait for the Tour, then I will really make killings on you.
BassoNova77: Let’s ignore the wind for now, and assume that the Tour TT is as pathtic as today’s stage (which is difficult to imagine, given that it had all of four corners and ran donwhill); you still only put 28 seconds on me.
ILuvBratwurst: So? Every Second Counts…did you not read the book?
BassoNova77: Actually, no. I got through about 30 pages before I had to start skipping from bike racing section to bike racing section.
ILuvBratwurst: Ja, it was terrible…
BassoNova77: Anyway Jan – where did today’s win put you on GC? Top 10?
BassoNova77: Top 20?
ILuvBratwurst: Ja, something like that…
BassoNova77: Oh wait, I have the results sheet right here, and you are now…44th. At only 18 minutes back. So all you need is a TdF with 36 time trials and you’re all set.
ILuvBratwurst: But I am still training…
BassoNova77: Like you’ve been training the past two years?
ILuvBratwurst: …and I mutilated those other puny weaklings.
BassoNova77: Oooh, wow…yeah, you beat Rujano…Look, despite what Cyclingnews says, he’s not really a chrono guy – neither is Cunego. Remember back when Simoni said there were no climbers at the Tour? Well, what made him think that was the fact that there are no TT riders at the Giro.
ILuvBratwurst: What about my teammate Mick Rogers?
BassoNova77: Only good at Worlds.
ILuvBratwurst: Zabriskie won a Giro TT then beat Lance once during the TdF last year…
BassoNova77: Zabriskie ain’t here, is he?
ILuvBratwurst: Oh, it’s true. My big German heart is breaking.
BassoNova77: Please, this shouldn’t come as a shock to you. Lance said the last time he saw someone popping bubbly with a double-chin this big, it was Paul Giamatti at the 2004 Oscars afterparty.
ILuvBratwurst: At least my delicious, delicious food still loves me.
BassoNova77: And you love it right back, Jan.
ILuvBratwurst signed off
BassoNova77 signed off
thoughts on “In a Chat Room Somewhere in Tuscany…”
Funny stuff. But I really do think that we saw the giant roused today. If he wakes all the way up, well, come July we’ll be listening to “BassoNova77’s” tifosi insisting that he never said that he could do the double.
As cycling fans, we’re lucky that the both of them are actually a little classier than most of us are; and a hell of lot classier than some recent retirees. As they always have, they’ll let their results do more talking than their PR flaks and lawyers. And we’ll get to watch a great race.
Very nice. Even better than Cycling vs. The World! Well, almost better.
What an awesome post. But you should’ve really finsihed off “My big German heart is breaking.” with “I’m going to go cry in my humvee now”.
Ja, you are funny Cosmo.
jan Ulrich is a fatty.
I dig your blog.
This was funny. A few fellow cyclists also enjoyed your enty. Keep up the great work.