I know, I know – it’s not nice to wish death upon people. But I’m not doing that. Everyone, Dick Pound included, is going to die someday. I’m simply compiling a list of the Top Ten ways in which I’d like to see him pass on.
It was extremely hard to limit this to ten items, by the way, so feel free to add any you think should have made the cut in the “comments” section.
Top 10 Ways I’d Like to See Dick Pound Die
10) Starving to death following bankruptcy after being forced to pay accused dopers’ legal fees.
9) Surgical complications after undergoing medical procedure that has not met peer review.
8) Brain embolism and resulting hemorrhage after high profile athlete beats a dope case.
7) Beaten to death by frustrated CycleSport reporter after recycling same three soundbites for the umpteenth time.
6) Suicide after being wrongly accused of a child pornography and realizing that a “not guilty” verdict won’t salvage his reputation.
5) Traffic accident while commuting between his three six-figure jobs.
4) Asthma attack; lethal because employer banned him from using a rescue inhaler.
3) Blood coagulation after being transfused with the wrong blood type due to “routine lab error”.
2) Wrongly sentenced to death after prosecution witnesses are legally prevented from presenting exculpatory evidence.
1) Injected with a lethal dose of EPO by Nazi frogmen.