Today, Johan Museeuw did more damage to sport of cycling than any rider since the incorrigible Richard Virenque. At a press conference, the so-called “Lion of Flanders” gave tacit credence to the doping charges that haunted much of his career by saying, with resounding ambiguity, “I was not 100% honest”. The phrase “not 100% honest”…
Rants Archive
The Rants category was added in the early days of Cyclocosm to differentiate opinion pieces from the daily news recaps.
Top 10 Ways I'd Like to See Dick Pound Die
I know, I know – it’s not nice to wish death upon people. But I’m not doing that. Everyone, Dick Pound included, is going to die someday. I’m simply compiling a list of the Top Ten ways in which I’d like to see him pass on. It was extremely hard to limit this to ten…
Putting Down a Mad Dog
“Mad Dog”? “Foaming Rant”? Yeah, and I’m a “Young Professional” with a “Promising Career”. Patrick O’Grady, your latest tripe has got to be the most weak-kneed excuse for an editorial since Mike Imrem christened Ricky Williams the next Jacques Anquetil. In all honesty, what was the point of this Friday’s rant? That it snows in…
The Farce Comes Full Circle
Eurosport reports that Ivan Basso has been officially cleared to race. Note how they’ve sloppily insisted that Basso “served out a four-month suspension having been linked with the Operation Puerto doping probe”. That’s the biggest syntactic dry-hump since Super Bowl XXXVIII’s “wardrobe malfunction”. Using the verb “served” would imply that Basso’s suspension was a predetermined…
Being Jan Ullrich
Jan Ullrich is a riddle inside a mystery wrapped (9 months out of the year) in thick coating of Rostockian lard. The man has superhuman talent that manifested itself at a very early age. A lot of people think this has lead him into some sort of Michael Jackson /Macauley Culkin early-fame flame out thing….
The Strange State of Americans in Cycling
Ok, so I know I haven’t posted in a week, and I shouldn’t have the chutzpah to criticize anyone, but come on – asking Tom Boonen “Are you the next George Hincapie?” I realize that’s not a direct quote, but the idiocy of sentiment remains. How can Boonen “follow in the footsteps” (that is a…
The Race 2 Disgrace – Rant
So I was watching “Honey, We’re Killing the Kids” a few nights back (no, seriously…) and after a few minutes of pre-adolescant New Jersey-ites Twinkie, Coke and video-gaming away their afternoon, suddenly this commerical comes on with Lance Armstrong. Apparenlty, his other former teammates are so crappy when it comes to bike racing that Lance…
The Race Organizers' Ten Commandments – Rant
I. Thy race documentation shalt be as concise, clear, and accurate as possible. II. There shalt be separate pre-registered and day-of registration areas. III. Thou shalt not organize thy race check-in by field. IV. Thou shalt not distribute thy race numbers without regard to field. V. Thy registration areas shalt be clearly delineated. VI. There…
Tom Boonen: Tornado or Strong Breeze?
Now that Tom Boonen has completed a second incredible spring season, and is off the bike, kicking it at home in Monaco (search “holiday”), I’d like to take a moment to examine his achievements a little more closely. Currently, Tom Boonen is everything you could possibly want a World Road Race champion to be: an…
How Not to Try to Win Tour of Flanders – Rant
Discovery DS Dirk Demol is not a stupid man. “One thing is sure,” he told Eurosport yesterday, “The longer that everybody waits to make the race hard, the better for Boonen”. It’s sound logic, as the best way to upset a heavy favorite is to make things not go smoothly and predictably. What I don’t…