Script (not verbatim, contains typos, and sometimes I go off-book) So today I’m going to take aim at—god, I don’t even know what to call it. Authority? Nah, sounds too punk rock. Old fogeydom? Well, there’s nothing wrong with being an old fogey, per se—many of them are quite entertaining. North Korean press release syndrome?…
Paris-Roubaix Synth Techno
Here’s a quick Soundcloud embed of “Roubaix Rumble” and “The Chase” from the How The Race Was Won® video for Paris-Roubaix 2013.
Rantcast #4: Garmin—The Little Device That Doesn't
Script (not verbatim, contains typos, and sometimes I go off-book) Yo, check out this new gadget I got, it’s called a Blackberry. It’s great for taking care of stuff on the go, like a mobile computer, except that I can’t look at photos or videos or fling cartoon birds at abstractly rendered pigs or really…
Rantcast #3: Improving the "Credibility" of the MPCC
Script (not verbatim, contains typos, and sometimes I go off-book) What is the definition of credibility? In cycling, the term has largely become what you are not. I am not glibly big-ringing myself to the top of Hautacam. I am not suing the living daylights out of every journalist and assistant who dares suggest that I…
Rantcast #2: Why Americans Can't Watch Cycling "On TV"
Script (not verbatim, contains typos, and sometimes I go off-book) A couple of weeks ago, Neal Rogers remarked he found it frustrating that despite the advanced technological achievements of these here United States, he still can’t watch bike racing “on TV”. As you might guess by the tonality that offset it, I have a quarrel to…
Rantcast #1: On Dave Brailsford and "Innuendo"
Transcript Hey there Internets—as I mentioned on Monday, I’m a little cranky this week and so I figured, what with my ample amounts of free time and top shelf home production facility, I might as well turn some of that angst into entertaining multimedia web content. So I guess I want my first rant to…
Cycling Organization Press Release Generator
This form broke a few years after publication, and in July 2021 I disabled it completely. May it serve as a reminder producing spoofed content was once considered funny. I had some thoughts on cycling—on the honest-to-goodness racing of bicycles—earlier this week. But dang if I didn’t get a little distracted by the bellowing and…
Feeding the Trollstrong Foundation
The jokes, dear reader, have already been made. I’m sure you think you’ve got some clever new gibe to add, some original snark to spin-off that will raise the bar that little bit higher—and in some cases, I might even believe you. But in humor, as in all things, there is a point of diminishing…
A New Year’s Resolution for Cycling
I consider myself among the more optimistic commentators as far as cycling and doping go. But as the year wraps up, I can’t help but think a nice Resolution for the sport might be to stop asking me to ignore what a more cynical man might call “the obvious”. Consider the example of Sven Nys,…
Rabobank Brings the Fight to Aigle
“We are no longer convinced that the international professional world of cycling can make this a clean and fair sport. We are not confident that this will change for the better in the foreseeable future.” Rabobank, on their departure as a professional cycling sponsor That about sums it up. As someone who has advocated, and…