Being Jan Ullrich

Jun 15 2006

Jan Ullrich is a riddle inside a mystery wrapped (9 months out of the year) in thick coating of Rostockian lard. The man has superhuman talent that manifested itself at a very early age. A lot of people think this has lead him into some sort of Michael Jackson /Macauley Culkin early-fame flame out thing. But that’s BS. Certainly the picture Udo Bolts paints for a young Ullrich is that of a well-adjusted, enthusiastic rider. I might let Jan play the “Behind the Music” excuse on his seriously overweight days as “El Gordo”, and possibly even on the legal problems that surrounded him in 2002.

But the guy is now 32 years old; the youthful mistakes/transition from Communism/too much pressure wah-wah train has long since left the station, and Ullrich still starts his season late (mid-April) and out of shape (though no longer shamefully so). What other cyclist’s fans would rejoice at word their hero was “only” three Kilos overweight less than a month before the Tour? At times, it seems impossible that Ullrich is anything but a man content to glide on his talent, profit from his fame, and generally disrespect the sport that provides his living.

And then he rides like he did today. Granted, the not-especially steep, steady, open and untwisting ascent of the Albulapass looked almost tailor-made for der Kaiser, but it wasn’t so much his performance that impressed me as the manner in which he carried it out. He was bent way forward, gushing sweat and practically gagging on his own tongue, mashing his huge gear, shattering the group around him and dropping all but one of the riders who dared to try and follow. It was an inspiring show; an attempt to atone for his laziness with a newly-forged determination, that paradoxically makes his prior neglect of talent all the more disgraceful.

I want to root for him. Really, I do. As strongly as I would have rooted for Raymond Poulidor or Joop Zoetemelk. But I’ve seen seen Jan work through this pattern way too many times before. In 2004, after nearly beating a sick and overworked Armstrong at the previous year’s TdF, Ullrich came into yet another season like a man determined not to win. As the months wore on, he trained himself into something resembling good condition, and after some solid results, proclaimed to the world that he was good to go. He then proceeded to get flattened by Armstrong at le Tour. One can say pretty much the same thing about any of the German’s other post-’97 Tour appearances.

It’s not like I can’t sympathize with the guy’s position. Battling to match your previous accomplishments, knowing that failure is, at some point, inevitable, can be an overwhelming thing. But after seeing him repeat the same sorry, self-defeating cycle of fatness, frenzied training, false hope and failure every year, I’ve just stopped caring. After today’s Suisse stage, Jan seems to be going good enough to have a legitimate shot at winning the Tour de France; however, if he does pull it off, it will not be because he deserved it.

Possibly related content:

Bikes vs. The World: Round #5 – Jan Ullrich vs. Lars Ulrich Now we’re talking. The drummer of one of the all-time great metal bands versus the eternal challenger for the TdF title. Both German-born, both constantly disappointing me, both with the...
Pro Cycling News – Ullrich takes Stage, Ferrar takes USPRO With his typical display of sound and fury signifying nothing, Jan Ullrich rumbled to a victory in today’s 8th stage of the Tour of Germany. American Bobby Julich was a...
Pro Cycling News – Ullrich, Botero, Colors, Pound, UCI, Aussie Nats I just lost my whole post. I am quite upset about this. So here is a quick one-paragraph rundown of what I was going to say. Ullrich: fat but still...

10 Responses to “Being Jan Ullrich”

  1. Joseph Vinciquerra June 16, 2006 at 8:16 am #

    Great entry!

  2. Graham June 16, 2006 at 9:14 am #

    He is definitely an interesting character. I too found myself rooting for him at times in the past, but when I keep hearing about this laissez faire attitude of his it make it hard to continue rooting. Nice commentary.

  3. John June 16, 2006 at 9:57 am #

    Anyone who wins the Tour has done enough work to “deserve” it. No one ever “deserves” to win. It’s a race.

  4. Scott June 16, 2006 at 3:47 pm #

    What!?!?! That picture is actually Jan Ullrich at age 19? WTF? He’s emaciated. Maybe he joined Theta Delt at university…

  5. ryan April 2, 2007 at 4:15 pm #

    I love jan ullrich. I wish he would come back! I love the commetary about him being a abusole beast of a man and stuff. YA jan is sweet.

  6. ryan April 2, 2007 at 4:15 pm #

    I love jan ullrich. I wish he would come back! I love the commetary about him being a abusole beast of a man and stuff. YA jan is sweet.

  7. albertg928 February 17, 2011 at 1:10 pm #

    I did think Ullrich was a cool, smart, and strong rider but now that i found out that he was caught doping, i felt let down. He was not strong, but lazy, not smart because he was caught doping and not cool at all he’s in the same catagory as Contador:/

Trackbacks and Pingbacks

  1. Cyclocosm - Pro Cycling Blog » We’re Back, Ullrich Retires, Het Volk Looms - February 27, 2007

    [...] return comes just in time to see one of the greats lhang up his bike forever. Often criticized for off-season indolence and questionable tactics, Jan Ullrich’s legacy seems already cast as [...]

  2. Cyclocosm - Pro Cycling Blog » Ullrich’s DNA, DePanne, Last Bit of Fool - April 3, 2007

    [...] a reader named “ryan” posted a bunch of pro-Ullrich comments on this page. Today, word leaks that the big guy’s DNA actually was in those Operation Puerto [...]

  3. Party Time! - January 19, 2011

    [...] Jan Ullrich anecdotes aside, just because you’re not focused doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t exercise. In fact you should stay active. The only rule should be that you do something different than normal, with no regiment, no coaching (including Tony, Chalene, Shaun, et al), and no goal except to sustain it for a prescribed period of time. All very calculatedly un-scientific. [...]

Leave a Reply